can we please apply some selfie control?

So Ke$ha has gone into rehab with an eating disorder. All her fame, wealth and beauty couldn't stop the haters bringing her to a place of personal emptiness. And despite her global media machine reporting she was on a health kick, dieting and exercising, she was actually dying inside from debilitating self criticism. She famously posted a series of photographs on Facebook and Twitter showing off her slimmer look but all her effort has not chased away the demons of doubt. She has fallen victim to crippling low self esteem. What does this tell us about the pressure to look a certain way and project that image to the world?

In a similar theme, the word "selfie" has topped the list of the online Oxford Dictionary's words of the year, after its usage increased by 17,000% in the past 12 months. I wonder "are selfies really about the self?" What motivates us to post selfies? And why do we send out an image that later we regret? Surely this is shooting our self/selfie (no pun intended) in the foot because the whole point just like Ke$ha is to project an image that we want people to love and accept?

Even David Cameron and Barak Obama with Danish PM Helle Thorning-Schmidt fell for it. It seems to me that the negative media response to David Cameron's selfie was because of where they took it, at Nelson Mandella's funeral. This raises an important question. When is a selfie appropriate? Is there such a thing as a right time and a right picture and perhaps a wrong time and a wrong picture to post? How do we tell the difference? In a world of higly sexualised images are we immune to whats healthy and whats not?

Selfies can be a positive thing. The new Pope Francis seems to be doing a good job connecting with people, and this selfie was a big hit. So it is possible for a selfie to do good and project a healthy positive image but it takes SELFIE-CONTROL. And to function with self control we need to be SELFIE-AWARE. How do we really see ourself? We need to ask ourself "is this picture going online a good thing for me? Or like Kesha is it all a bit of a smoke screen hoping to impress but not really dealing with whats really going on inside.

Perhaps we all need to get smarter about this? New research found that people who regularly post online photos have a difficult time controlling exactly what each of their friends see. Its like the proverbial toothpaste out of the tube, once its out its impossible to get back in! So my suggestion is we have something like selfie ground rules. There's even suggestions for this in the Huffington Post called "The 8 Selfies You Must Absolutely, Positively Never Take." I suggest you discover your own or feel free to post some thoughts on this blog.

First steps

Mentoring teens and twenties is the first step in being open to the big questions teens and twenties ask based on my experience as a seeker, a spiritual coach, and a dad of teenagers. I am not offering canned answers or a closed mind, i hope to learn as much from those asking the questions.


What is a mentor or spiritual coach?

The word mentor comes from the character "Mentor" in Homer's epic tale, The Odyssey. Mentor was a trusted friend of Odysseus, the king of Ithaca. When Odysseus fought in the Trojan War, Mentor served as friend and counsel to Odysseus' son Telemachus. So in simple terms a mentor is someone a bit older and more experienced who shares what they've learned with younger people with the aim of helping them grow positively as a person.

My particular interest is in spiritual coaching. This is based on the biblical idea that every person is made up of three parts: body, soul and spirit. We often develop our physical strength (work out at the gym, do Pilates) sometimes we develop our emotional health (psyche is the Greek word for soul which is where the word psychology comes from) but we often neglect our spiritual well being. I believe that our spiritual part is the core of our being and that without its development we suffer and hinder our full potential.

What is the aim of this blog?

This blog is a discussion space and invitation to be mentored, it is also a place to challenge and be challenged. The discussions will springboard from some of the ideas I will put forward. I hope other people will contribute, suggest YouTube links, articles, viral ideas, other blogs. I hope this space will be organic, i don't have a big agenda so if its seems random and unstructured that is why.